Reading "A Grief Observed" at this moment in my life is very important. Had I read this book at any other time, I know I would not have become so attached to a book.
In my life, I've only experienced two deaths in my immediate life.
The first death was that of my grandma. I spent the whole summer with just her and I at her house. I learned so much from her and it had to be the best summer I have ever experienced. That fall, the day after Thanksgiving, she had a sudden heart attack and died in her new apartment. I was deeply hurt and frustrated with myself. It was the one time I just didn't know how to respond. I couldn't cry or frown or yell. I just stayed emotionless for a long time.
The second death was with my new close friend, Melissa. She and I met in the beginning of the summer and she gave me a love for photography. She also died in November; she was hit by a drunk driver. I had alot of struggles before I properly grieved her.
These two experiences had similarities. Both happened around the same time in different years. Both had me become very close before they died. Both died unexpectedly.
C.S. Lewis writes: "Reality never repeats. The exact same thing is never taken away and given back."
He seems so angry. So displeased with those who had tried to say the one liners of sympathy.
Lewis made me see how grieving is a dirty thing. It is messy and unorganized. It leaves one feeling disorientated about life. But the beautiful thing is, Lewis becomes stronger through his grief.
And that is what I want to become: stronger.
My grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer the day I arrived on campus. He has been in and out of the hospital. Radiation, chemotheraphy, medicine are things that should prolong his life but actually have made him weaker. My father is a proud man who is now on his knees at night crying out to God for a healing touch or a salvation of a soul. It's never hurt so much to be so far away from family in a time like this. However, this is what help me feel at peace in a moment of chaos:
"We cannot understand. The best is perhaps what we understand least"
Perhaps what we need is less understanding about things and more belief in an infinite God who understands all.
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Ninja Boy
On Monday while eating a delicious breakfast, I was with my group of Jose, Romeo, and Ana. We all brought in different forms of literature depending on our preference. What really stood out though was Romeo's comic book collection called Ninja Boy.
It was about a boy who was obviously a ninja. He was orphaned and had to learn quickly how to survive in order to avenge his family's death. Like all ninja stories there are foes, senseis, and your unusual sidekick that added comic relief. However, unlike other ninja comics Ninja Boy only lasted 6 volumes and was never concluded properly.
It makes me think about endings. Stories where there are "happy endings" or stories with "realistic endings" or stories with "no endings". Which ones do we like the most? The ones who give us a sense of unrealistic peace? Or how about the ones who are dry and make us so angry that we through the book across the room(I've certainly done this before...)?
I think a story with no ending is probably the best kind. We often want security, but with no ending, it gives our minds less barriers. We are allowed to think differently and expand our imaginations. I think this is a great skill that we need to grow and nuture.
Our lives are no endings until we die. We are always writing new chapters, and even if you die, you don't know what happens next. I'm not being blasphemous and saying there is no heaven. I am saying that even in heaven our lives will continue. We certainly do not know how heaven will be exactly. We have ideas but in the end there really is no ending.
Which is why I like Ninja Boy so much. Thanks to lack of budgeting I can continue the story the way I want and enjoy just as much.
It was about a boy who was obviously a ninja. He was orphaned and had to learn quickly how to survive in order to avenge his family's death. Like all ninja stories there are foes, senseis, and your unusual sidekick that added comic relief. However, unlike other ninja comics Ninja Boy only lasted 6 volumes and was never concluded properly.
It makes me think about endings. Stories where there are "happy endings" or stories with "realistic endings" or stories with "no endings". Which ones do we like the most? The ones who give us a sense of unrealistic peace? Or how about the ones who are dry and make us so angry that we through the book across the room(I've certainly done this before...)?
I think a story with no ending is probably the best kind. We often want security, but with no ending, it gives our minds less barriers. We are allowed to think differently and expand our imaginations. I think this is a great skill that we need to grow and nuture.
Our lives are no endings until we die. We are always writing new chapters, and even if you die, you don't know what happens next. I'm not being blasphemous and saying there is no heaven. I am saying that even in heaven our lives will continue. We certainly do not know how heaven will be exactly. We have ideas but in the end there really is no ending.
Which is why I like Ninja Boy so much. Thanks to lack of budgeting I can continue the story the way I want and enjoy just as much.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Judging Others / Reflecting on Ourselves
In class on Friday, we talked about alot of things. This class is mainly discussion and discovery which makes me excited! Even if I'm not a morning person(as I write this at 2:35 AM), I know that I enjoy engaging with others. All this said, Professor Corrigan said something that really had me thinking all weekend. Often we are posed with this situation:
Judging Others vs. Reflecting on Ourselves
Most of the time we dismiss judging others because as Christians we would never dream of this. But often, I am caught inbetween feeling comfortable and feeling uncomfortable. In my perspective the reason we judge people is because we are unwilling to see our own flaws and focus in on others'.
We want to be comfortable. And once we notice a problem in ourselves it's either change it and make ourselves uncomfortable, or we just ignore it and project our frustration on others.
Life is easy when it's comfortable. Life is simple when it's comfortable.
So, we judge because it's easy. If we focus enough on other people's problems than ourselves, then maybe our wish will come true and our problems will go away.
However, Christ said that we should not judge a needle in someone's eye when we have a plank in our own.
It's hard, but when we reflect on ourselves it leads to us becoming more mature and understanding. We then begin to better ourselves and those arounds us. It might be uncomfortable. It might be tough. But in the end it is the most effective. And if we don't judge in return we might also not be judged. It might seem farfetched, but I think that it could happen if little by little we began to understand ourselves.
Judging Others vs. Reflecting on Ourselves
Most of the time we dismiss judging others because as Christians we would never dream of this. But often, I am caught inbetween feeling comfortable and feeling uncomfortable. In my perspective the reason we judge people is because we are unwilling to see our own flaws and focus in on others'.
We want to be comfortable. And once we notice a problem in ourselves it's either change it and make ourselves uncomfortable, or we just ignore it and project our frustration on others.
Life is easy when it's comfortable. Life is simple when it's comfortable.
So, we judge because it's easy. If we focus enough on other people's problems than ourselves, then maybe our wish will come true and our problems will go away.
However, Christ said that we should not judge a needle in someone's eye when we have a plank in our own.
It's hard, but when we reflect on ourselves it leads to us becoming more mature and understanding. We then begin to better ourselves and those arounds us. It might be uncomfortable. It might be tough. But in the end it is the most effective. And if we don't judge in return we might also not be judged. It might seem farfetched, but I think that it could happen if little by little we began to understand ourselves.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Literary Profile!
My whole entire family has always been big on reading books that varied due to the person. My father enjoys reading patriotic stories of the wars we fought and more recently has been reading more of the spiritually edifying books. My mom enjoys her cook books and her home and garden books to make the house more of her own. My brother reads fantasy. My older sister reads Jane Austen and other classics. And my little sister loves the Baby Sitter’s Club series. All my life I’ve grown up around books. The first book I really remember as a kid was Good Night Moon and The Giving Tree. My mom use to make my sister read to me all the time because it would keep me quiet.
I recently have grown found of Donald Miller and have read his books which give me the best reaction I have yet: frustration. I’ve never been so frustrated to end a book and wonder why there is nothing left to read. It’s made me want to find more books that I can be frustrated with. I also enjoy reading Francis Chan. I basically enjoy anything that will refresh my way of thinking and keep me from staying the same. I enjoy learning and having my mind be expanded by new thoughts and ideas. I think that’s why the Bible is the most significant literary text I’ve read. My answer is not a cliché but a simple truth. I cannot recall one other book that has given me a new meaning every time I’ve reread a simple sentence or two. Nor have I remembered a time where I was disappointed with the Bible. I feel my heart expand at a word or two because it is just so special to have something that I know is from God. His thoughts and His ideas are in one little book depending on the font size.
Literature matters for the sake of our thoughts and ideas. We need to read to grow and to become better people who can make more educated decisions. But once we start reading there is a point where we need to stop and take action. I believe that if we keep reading and reading, we will have all this knowledge but do nothing with it. Sometimes I believe literature can prohibit our movement. We might hide behind the facts and do nothing to change. Overall though, literature is vital to our growth. Without literature – new and old – we would not be able to evolve our thoughts and grow as a whole.
I recently have grown found of Donald Miller and have read his books which give me the best reaction I have yet: frustration. I’ve never been so frustrated to end a book and wonder why there is nothing left to read. It’s made me want to find more books that I can be frustrated with. I also enjoy reading Francis Chan. I basically enjoy anything that will refresh my way of thinking and keep me from staying the same. I enjoy learning and having my mind be expanded by new thoughts and ideas. I think that’s why the Bible is the most significant literary text I’ve read. My answer is not a cliché but a simple truth. I cannot recall one other book that has given me a new meaning every time I’ve reread a simple sentence or two. Nor have I remembered a time where I was disappointed with the Bible. I feel my heart expand at a word or two because it is just so special to have something that I know is from God. His thoughts and His ideas are in one little book depending on the font size.
Literature matters for the sake of our thoughts and ideas. We need to read to grow and to become better people who can make more educated decisions. But once we start reading there is a point where we need to stop and take action. I believe that if we keep reading and reading, we will have all this knowledge but do nothing with it. Sometimes I believe literature can prohibit our movement. We might hide behind the facts and do nothing to change. Overall though, literature is vital to our growth. Without literature – new and old – we would not be able to evolve our thoughts and grow as a whole.
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